


We Won't Eat Our Words (They Don't Taste Good)

by saturnnn



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Character Study, Gen, I know zilch about the bible, Minor Angst, back at it again with song lyrics as titles, i guess?? thats the best description i think, i watched good omens and got inspired for the first time in a y e a r, this is bad i oop, this sounds angsty but really aint??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 12:23:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnnn/pseuds/saturnnn
Summary: Crowley fit in better living on Earth than he ever did in heaven or hell, really.





	We Won't Eat Our Words (They Don't Taste Good)

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer i uhhh havent actually read the book yet but I felt like i should put both fandom tags?? whoops so this is probably wildly inaccurate to canon for heaven/hell and crowley's fall from grace but I felt like writing so ://  
> i personally think the boys are Hella Gay because Wow that subtext was leaping out but its not really a thing in this one unless u want it to be so whatever floats ur boat lads  
> anyway i hope yall like

Crowley, maybe, sort of, hadn't really fallen from grace. Not on purpose, at least. The world had been created, the garden beginning to thrive, and the revolt from Lucifer and his supporters had caused a worldwind around heaven. Crowley had never fit the usual bill for an angel- too snarky, too untrusting, too imaginative. The revolt sprouted ideas in his mind. What will did the Almighty really have over the angels- the now demons? What was so epically terrible about having new ideas for the world? Why did everyone have to follow the same set of rules? Well, to follow Her will, the Divine Plan, Crowley supposed was the general consensus. Different ideas and opinions about how the Graced should operate, and how the world should turn, were not what the Almighty wanted. He found it odd that the Divine Plan was not once told in full to those who were expected to follow it- the ethics and rules were never stated, just assumed. 

Well, it turned out that bringing up these points and asking too many questions got an angel a one-way ticket to losing their grace when relations were already so testy. Lucier took the opportunity as public opinion turned against Crowley to speak to him. He gave promises of happiness and freedom- from the rules, from the binding contract that was sticking to the 'right side'. To Crowley, Satan had seemed more like an Almighty power than She ever had. 

And so, the fall had begun with some nice persuasion and the turning of good will. The actual decent was not pleasant- Crowley had no clue how long for sure it lasted, whether a million years beyond the reach of time or merely a few hours- with his angelic grace being stripped away with every second and replaced with something... else. Bright, golden cat-like eyes were thrown out, so to speak, in favor of a snake's sickly yellow color. Similar but overwhelmingly different in the same instance. Formerly soft, white, pure wings rotted and fell away to reveal a sleek midnight black that crows would reflect as soon as they were created. Finally, Crowley is settled in the ranks of the newly envisioned hell and finds it to be not quite what he was promised. 

At the time, the 'downstairs' was sparse. The first wave of angels to fall were passionate about the cause but rather limited in numbers. They, of course, had both swayed more in heaven to go against God and raised fear of angels who weren't quite as holy as the rest- take Crowley as the example here. Henceforth, new numbers were falling- pun intended- into their place quickly. Despite it all, though, Crowley had to have been one of the first, and the feeling of being tricked only increased as more demons arrived. Soon enough, more humans would live and die lives that weren't good enough to be spared from torture and Crowley would find that the freedom he was promised was not promised to everyone. 

The fallen angels were not fully exempt from the constricting environment, either. Most were allowed to go about their jobs in hell as they pleased- swaying people's souls to join the countless in hell as the higher up tasks and making sure eternal pain was running as smoothly as it could in the rings as the grunt work, so to speak. But what was assigned to them was still not their choice. If higher-ups wanted you to jump, you said how high. If they said that these ideas were wrong, they were. Things hadn't changed all that much. 

Similar to how his time in heaven had gone, Crowley was not quite the perfect demon that Lucifer had wanted. Again, too untrustworthy, too imaginative, holding onto that last shred of good a bit too tightly. Tight enough to keep the boils and deformities off his face, at least. Unlike the other demons, Crowley never truly adapted to hell, just like how he never quite fit into the ranks of heaven. 

Quite different from his life upstairs, however, Crowley's differences were useful in hell. They could be weaponized, used for a purpose. He was too imaginative- allowing him to transform into a new type of creature on the recently created earth and tempt humans perfectly according to their situation and weaknesses. He was too different and just a bit too heavenly for the hierarchy's taste- they could send him on a prolonged vacation on Earth to cause trouble and deal with angelic pushback. Even when he got more acclimated and comfortable living as a human-of-sorts than he ever did in heaven or hell, Crowley was an important asset. The perfect chess piece to set up for later plans and tempt some unlikely souls while he was at it. 

Of course, unbeknownst to hell, this tactic only worked for a couple of centuries before Crowley beat down his own path, mainly due to prolonged exposure to the angel Aziraphale. The very stereotypically good deity also inspired a begrudging yet long-lasting love for humanities' quirks and faults, and perhaps a begrudging, long-lasting love for the angel himself (although Crowley wouldn't admit it unless under immediate threat to his very existence, never one for showing any kind of emotion besides pure snark). 

The demon had done some of his own influencings on the angel as well. By the 16th century, both beings were rather impressively morally grey, a bigger change for Aziraphale than Crowley in the grand scheme of things. Why not do the things that need to be done in the easiest and quickest way possible? Why not hit two birds with one stone? The pair did the required work (as well as a few extra things thrown in while they were at it) and went on with their lives. Eventually, going on with their lives became going home to a London bookshop for Aziraphale and going to a sparse London flat to yell at a large arrangement of houseplants before breaking into the aforementioned bookshop at 11 PM with 5 bottles of centuries-old wine every other night for Crowley. It was all rather domestic, if not a bit chaotic and certainly otherworldly. 

Once the end times rolled around neither Crowley nor Aziraphale was fully demon or angel, respectively, although Aziraphale still clung to the old ways a bit more firmly. Their side was more human than anything, with shortcuts and creature comforts and inconsequential sin after sin. There was an angel on Earth who sinned as much as he pleased (with only low-level constant guilt, thank you very much) and a demon who could love and imagine and asked as many questions as he wanted, critical of everything that walked the earth but never wanting to leave. Crowley would never really know if the Divine Plan had their neutrality penned in or not, but living on Earth and finding a best friend in the enemy felt more like freedom than falling ever would.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe i can find the will to continue my subpar marvel fic(s) now that would be a scene huh  
> oh also title is from monster by dodie (whom i adore)  
> if you've ever loved me drop me a comment with whatever content u want, have a funky fresh day


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